Recently I discovered a great article from the August 10th, 1989 edition of the Beaver county times. It's an exemplary piece of of investigative journalism by Barbara Beck, entitled: "Too much fun can compute to Nintendo neck." And it's every bit as amazing as it sounds. You can read the entire expose below.
THE MALADY THAT AFFLICTED A GENERATION!
So, to summarize: a group of Philadelphia chiropractors were noticing a "surge
of teenagers" experiencing the same neck and back problems usually
experienced by "secretaries and others who work at vidoe terminals."Sobering stuff. Clearly, Nintendo Neck was the worst thing to happen to America's youth since the horrifying Jart epidemic of the 70s.
Now, I have no idea what a "vidoe terminal" is but it must be excruciating considering that it's almost as dangerous as "Nintendo Neck" a euphemism for "acute non-traumatic torticollis, a sublaxation of the lower cervical or the upper thoracic vertebra." Or as its more commonly called on the street: a stiff neck.
A REVOLUTIONARY CURE!
Still, this was no laughing matter. According to the chiropractor, Neil Cohen: "Nintendo neck can cause permanent damage." And, the only cure for this terrible malady? Light back massages. Although, ultra-sound therapy was speculated to be required for the most advanced symptoms. Yes, only the power of ultra-sound could combat the
ravages of Nintendo related injuries.
What I love most about this article is how it ends with nothing but quotes from other health professionals and Nintendo representatives who do nothing but bury the entire issue. It kind of kills your scoop, when it wraps with everyone saying, "Um, yeah. Sitting for 12 hours straight isn't good. Maybe you should try stretching occasionally. That should fix this entire national crisis."
Still, I'm willing to bet there are a few law firms looking to put together class-action law-suits against Nintendo even now. Any day, we could be seeing commercials saying that we could be eligible for monetary compensation if we suffer from poor posture and unusually high thumb dexterity. So, why should we let them have all the fun? How many of your lives were destroyed by "Nintendo Neck?" Do you remember when this disease first struck the youth of our great country? And more importantly, are you willing to share your traumatic experiences with the rest of us in the comments? Your testimonial could save a life, or at least earn you a light massage.